People's Expectations

It's really hard to live up to other's expectations. I know, I've tried. It doesn't work and you end up really really confused about what you really want.

What I have an even harder time with though, is when I know what I want, but all that people give you is there expectation.

I'm actually dealing with this right now. Unfortunately I am not excited, or happy about going back to school. I love the courses I'm taking this year and I know that I'm going to love this semester, but right now, I have no desire to go back. Honestly I'm ok with this because I know that in time I will feel fine about it.

What's really iritating me though is that people back home don't even try to understand why I might feel this way. I feel they shrug it off saying that everything will be fine, and you'll get to see everyone, etc, etc. I'm sorry, but for a little while I'm not going to be very happy about being back. But like I said, it will pass.

Don't get me wrong, I miss all my concordia friends, they're awesome! But forgive me for not being excited about seeing them. If they would ask, they would know that the reason for not being excited is that when I see them, that means that I'm not back here in Campbell River, and I'm not coming back to "live" here (at least not that I know of, God may say otherwise...at least that's what I'm praying for). That's the hardest part about this all, is that I"m not coming back to work here next year, and I don't know if I'll ever be back. I love my friends dearly, but I'll see them all semester long. I'm saying good-bye to my "home" (yes I consider this home away from home) in a week and a bit and I don't know when or if I'll ever be back.

Really what I wanted to do with this blog entry is to offer my friends an explanation as to why I feel the way I do. It has nothing to do with them, it's just how I feel right now. I need time, but I don't want to have to feel that I need to put up a face for them. I don't need that adding to that. What I want from them is support and hugs and honestly just some understanding. I don't need to hear that everything will be fine, I already know that. I want them to tell me that it's okay to miss my family here and that they're okay that I'm not all that enthused about coming/being home.

Sorry this was kind of a downer blog, but I just really needed to get this out. There's plenty of time for fun, it will come....probably when I update you guys on EVERYTHING I did this summer. Yes, I said EVERYTHING. Wait, that might make for a llllloooooooonnnnnngggggg blog. . .